Last woman standing

Last week I found out that my most recent ex had proposed to his current girlfriend and is now engaged. That means that, soon, all my exes will be married whilst I’m still single.

For once, I didn’t start overanalysing my situation and how my choices have led me to this point. I feel like I’m pretty damn happy with where I am right now at this point of my life so can’t complain too much.*

In the last month, I also found out that two of my girlfriends are pregnant.  Then it suddenly occurred to me while sitting on the bus this morning that perhaps I’m being a bit blasé about my future and not seriously considering whether I actually want to get married at some point and have children.

Certainly I don’t feel any regret about my previous relationships ending, especially since in most cases I was the instigator and had made the choice not to continue the relationship.  I have been very selfish up until now, putting my needs and wants above my partner’s, so my singledom is definitely the result of the choices that I have made.  Having said that though, I would really like to meet someone that I can give myself wholeheartedly to and makes me want to live our lives together, and where we can make each other happy, blah blah…all that soppy stuff.

I’m feeling as though the expectation of society is on me and, especially as I’m nearing 30, that there is a certain timeline to which I should be living my life.  For some reason, I wonder whether I should be thinking that there is something wrong with me if I’m going to be turning 30 still being single and childless, despite the fact that I haven’t actually met anyone that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I don’t even think that I want kids!!!

Ugh, I should stop trying to make myself depressed when I’m not.

* I would attribute quite a large proportion of my current happiness at the anticipation of my upcoming backpacking trip!

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